As a personal coach, there are certain statements that make me cringe, such as "I can't -", "Everybody says -", and especially, "If I had it to do over again." This last phrase seems to be a favorite of many people. "If I had it to do over again, I would have gone to college." "If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have gotten married so young." "If I had it to do over again, I would have taken that job in Silicon Valley."

Let's get this clear once and for all - you don't have it to all over again. No one does. We don't have the ability to hop into a time machine and erase the past. At best, all we can do is rerun the tapes of the past. Yet, even then, no matter how many times we replay them, the results are still the same.

Of course, the problem with continually replaying the events and decisions of the past is that we miss important current events and decisions. In a sense, it's like driving while looking exclusively through the rear view mirror. While your attention is riveted on the traffic behind you, you run the very real risk of racing blindly into your future and having a serious accident.

Besides, even you could change the events of your past, I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. For example, the reason you're reading this newsletter right now is because I made a very big mistake (several of them in fact). Had I not been "rescued" by the judges and prosecutors in my case, I certainly wouldn't be trying to make a positive difference in this world. In fact, it's very likely that I would be dead.

Now, could I have come to this state of "enlightenment" without first getting into trouble? Perhaps, but not likely. And while I'm sorry for the pain I caused others, I have no regrets about spending three years in prison. It was a "timeout" that I desperately needed. And I suspect that you've had similar "setbacks" in your life that later turned into stepping stones for greater success and happiness.

For example, as a young man or woman, you may have ruined a good relationship by being jealous, vindictive or petty. At the time, it was painful to lose your "one true love." However, later you met someone who was even better suited for you and, learning from the mistakes of the past, you were able to make that relationship work. Or perhaps, you were fired from a job for poor performance. You may have missed a few mortgage payments, car payments or even a few meals while you struggled to find another job. However, as it turned out, your next job was with a much better company in a faster growing industry. As a result, a few years later, you were making far money than you could have ever made with your previous employer.

And I could go on and on. My point is that, very often, we make blunders that later turn out to be blessings. The problem is that we can't always see it at the time. Think about it. Would you have given one thought to your breakup with John or Sally had you known that Jim or Susan were coming along behind them? Or would you have spent time lamenting the job you lost at Bankrupt Soon, Inc. had you known about the future position at BoatLoadsofCash.com? Of course not. Very often, we only lament the problems of the present because we can't see the promise of the future. For this reason, I'm suggesting that you take a different approach to your setbacks - be thankful. That's right! Be thankful. Think about it. It's highly likely that, in ten years, you will be so happy that you didn't get the job with this company or that customer said "No" to the product you're offering today or your rich uncle wouldn't loan you the money to start a turtle washing business. So why not be happy about now as well?

And if this sounds like "pie-in-the-sky" thinking to you, my question is: What other choice do you have? Would you rather spend the next ten years thinking "If only I could do it all over again" over a situation that you can't change regardless of how you might want to? And when you consider that your "disaster" is probably a blessing, why spend even a day being miserable when there's actually cause for celebration? Given those options, regret just seems plain silly.