Confucius once said, “An angry person is always full of poison.” He was absolutely right. In fact, anger is probably the most lethal poison that anyone can ingest. I witnessed this truth first hand while in prison. Some of my fellow inmates were basically good people with one fatal character flaw – they had bad tempers. In fits of rage and anger, they committed acts that had life-altering consequences for themselves and others. Quite simply, they “lost it”, and in the process, wound up losing years (and even decades) out of their lives.

And while you may think this kind of behavior is restricted to the “criminal element,” think again. Recently, I witnessed two of my neighbors get into a argument on the field. Please note that these are two successful and extraordinarily accomplished men, who became so upset that they literally put their fortunes and futures at risk in a fit of anger. Believe me when I tell you that a bad temper can get the best of anyone.

Fortunately, most people don’t attempt to resolve their disputes with their fists. Yet, it’s still possible to poison your success in life without throwing a single blow; particularly if your weapon of choice is your mouth. In fact, this is the most common way in which people sabotage their success. In a split second, they say something that destroys years of progress towards their goal.

For instance, if you fly off the handle and start yelling at your boss or co-worker, you have just about ruined any chance of moving up the corporate ladder in that company, assuming you get to keep your job at all. One heated exchange can melt years (or even decades) of goodwill.

This is particularly true in the context of relationships. A harsh word spoken in anger can literally destroy decades of a harmonious relationship. Otherwise solid marriages and parent- child relationships don’t stand a chance against a venomous tongue on the rampage.

Of course, most people know already know this to be the case. Yet, they still allow their tempers to get the better of them. And let’s face it, we’ve all been guilty of doing it to some extent. Yet, that doesn’t make it any less important to learn to curb our verbal outbursts. And perhaps, the easiest way to do so is to realize that what you’re fighting about isn’t probably worth the effort in the first place.

The sad truth of the matter is that many of the really big disputes in our lives – the ones that make us really blow our stacks – aren’t about life-changing issues. Instead, they are little disputes that have somehow gotten out of hand. A simple disagreement with a spouse about, say, which channel to watch on a Friday night has turned into an epic battle involving insults about various members of their family. Likewise, a simple disagreement at work about the best way to pitch a new client has turned into a heated argument about whether the marketing department is pulling its weight.

The best way to prevent this from happening is to continually ask yourself, “What am I fighting about and is it worth destroying this relationship over?” If the answer is “No” (and it should almost always be “No”), then take a deep breath before hurling that next insult. After all, in the grand scheme of things, is it really that important to spend the evening watching your favorite movie (you know, the one you’ve already seen 37 times before)? Or does it really matter whether the new prospect receives the standard brochure or the new fancy CD-ROM presentation prepared by your IT department?

When you think of it in these terms, the answer is probably “No.” The key is to think about it in those terms, especially during the heat of battle. And the best way to make sure that you keep things in perspective is to continually ask yourself, “What am I fighting about and is it worth destroying this relationship over?” Remember, at some point, you are going to have to ask that question anyway. Isn’t it better to ask the question when you can still determine the answer?