In our society, we have a fascination with winning. Many of us leave by credos like “Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.” We do so in the mistaken belief that in order to succeed you must win. Yet, the truth of the matter is that you can be hugely successful and lose most of the time. In fact, the biggest winners are very often the biggest losers.

By now, you’ve certainly read about Abe Lincoln’s track record as a politician. To put it simply, he was one of the worst politicians of all time; at least, as a campaigner. He lost election after election. He lost in state elections. He lost running for the House and the Senate. He lost in a race for the Vice Presidency. In fact, in his entire career, he only won one election – the race for the White House. Yet, almost 150 years later, we still think fondly of this “loser” and honor him with monuments.

And to tell the truth, some of the biggest winners in life never win at all. Remember, in most areas of life, there are no ballots to be counted or judge’s scorecards to consult. This is particularly true in the really important areas of life. There is no Grammy for Best New Parent or Oscar for Best Wife in a Supporting Role. Likewise, we don’t give out awards for All-Pro Church Volunteer, Most Valuable Player in the Community, and so on.

As a result, in our drive to become “winners,” many of us gravitate towards achievements than can be measured. We set our sights on being the #1 salesperson in the company, being promoted to CEO, owning the largest home on the block, or driving the nicest car. In doing so, we spend so much of our time and effort in the pursuit of meaningless accolades and not enough on the enduring things in life – family, civic contributions, charity, etc. After all, as I’ve said many times, if all your kids have to put on your tombstone is, “Here Lies Mommy, She Had a Lexus,” you haven’t accomplished a whole lot with your dash.

And the dirty little secret is that being a “winner” will seldom make you happy. That’s because you will seldom if ever truly “win.” Sure, you may be the #1 salesperson in your office, but what about the rest of company? And even if you finally become #1 in your company, what about the salespeople in other companies? Likewise, if you finally become CEO of your company, will you be satisfied knowing that there are CEOs of even bigger companies?

Now, you might be thinking, “Yes, I would be satisfied.” However, I’m not so sure. On a daily basis, I talk with wealthy people and more often than not, the conversation is centered on how they’re not quite wealthy enough. Sure, they have a yacht, but John Smith has a bigger one. Sure, they’ve just bought a summer home on the cape, but Jane Rogers has two of them. Take it from me. You can’t win if your game is money, power or position. There will always be someone who has more of these things than you.

That’s why I’m suggesting that you stop thinking in terms of “winning and losing” and think in terms of “contribution and giving.” Don’t ask yourself, “Do I have the biggest home, best title or loftiest title?” The answer will always be “No!” Instead, ask yourself, “Am I doing all that I can to enhance the lives of those around me – my family, my friends, my colleagues, my industry, my community, my nation?” This is a question that you may actually be able to answer “Yes!” And if not, you can set your sights on getting to “Yes” in the future.

In my view, this is the type of target worth aiming for, because, if you hit it, you will do more than earn accolades, titles and possessions. If you hit this target, you will have made the most of your dash. And, in the game of life, that’s the ultimate victory.